Dear Michael...

Well I hardly know where to start, Michael.  Initially this was going to be a letter to Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, in regards to his book “The Michael Jackson Tapes” and the extremely painful effect it had on my heart , but I knew that whatever I wrote would probably just go right through him… that he had probably heard it all already, from so many others who Love You, and who are much more eloquent in expressing themselves than I am… so instead, I decided to write to You…

I Love You, Michael.  I’m so desperate for You to know this.  Especially after reading that atrocious book .   It made me feel hopeless, frantic even.   It demonstrates for me in blatant detail what is wrong with this world... what is lacking in the human spirit.  Here is someone who was Your friend, and supposedly a “man of God”, and the immense lack of compassion and love that he demonstrated stuns me .  It frightens me , Michael.  What has become of us?  How can a man who is supposed to be filled with God’s Light and Love be so dark and cold?  And so unaware of it?  This is the most disturbing part… that he is just one man, but he represents the masses.  I see it all around me .  People think they are coming from a place of Love, when instead they are coming from a place of judgement and ego.  Is the self esteem of humanity really that damaged?  That hopeless?  That delusional that we could possibly think that God would be a part of this???   I see now that it is, my Love .  It is.  Humanity is desperately distorted.  I have tried to keep hope, but I’m starting to believe that redemption is only a fantasy.   You, again, are the Mirror and the Mirror does not lie .  It doesn’t desire to destroy or to exalt… only to reflect.  It doesn’t carry the burden of judgement.  It simply is.  You simply are , Michael.

Shmuley talked about Your childhood – or lack thereof – as being a large contributor to Your “eventual destruction”… but as I read, I felt like , even though at the time he really seemed to be trying to understand Your pain as a result of being a child star, that his shallow perspective just couldn’t quite get it.  He couldn’t see where the pain was coming from or the enormity of it.  He thought it was about missing out on games and sleepovers, and the freedom a child feels, unburdened by worry or responsibility.  He thought it was about being “desperate for attention”… But that wasn’t it, was it Michael?  It was so much bigger than that.  It was about death.  You were mourning Your own death.  The death of Michael the child… Michael the innocent… killed by greed and selfishness at the hands of others.  Lost forever, and all while the world looked on and cheered.   The desperation You feel about that kind of abandonment must be paralysing.   A lifetime of that burden would be simply intolerable .  

Why couldn’t Shmuley see this?  And therein lies the frightening reality, because he does not have the capacity that is required to connect with the emotions and experiences of others.  That he is only able to feel compassion when it directly relates to himself... in something that he can understand through personal experience, or when another person’s pain affects his life in some direct way.  This is how we are now.  We turn on the news and see war and death and global suffering, and we turn it off and go about our day.  We see someone in pain and feel badly, but we don’t actually take the time to think about what can be done about it.  It's too overwhelming. We feel powerless, and detached from one another. We become numb. And we aren’t even aware of it.  You, Michael, have made me aware of it.  You are solely responsible for reconnecting me to Love . You singlehandedly saved me , as a true Messiah does.  He saves.  At any cost.  When You saw suffering, You responded to it.  You wanted to absorb pain on behalf of others, on behalf of the world.  You took personal responsibility for it, and THAT is what “destroyed” You.  That is why You are no longer here,  because we did not meet You there.  Your sensitivity, tenderness, generosity, and empathy, were not understood in this world, and it – we – destroyed You.  But You knew we would.  You knew it… and you still gave Yourself to us without reservation.  As Maya Angelou said:  You “held nothing.  [You] gave all [You] had been given”.  Through Your humanitarian work to ease suffering and assist those in need, and through the limitless sharing of Your astounding talent (for which you gave ALL credit to God) that You gifted us so generously, costing You Your privacy, freedom, dignity, reputation, and eventually, Your life, in order to share Your message of Love and to offer us a moment of escapism in today’s tragic world.  To offer one instance of joy to someone - anyone .  To open even one heart.  

THIS IS LOVE.  THIS IS WHAT REAL LOVE IS.  Unconditional in self sacrifice – even to those undeserving.  FREE LOVE .  Without strings or expectations.  Without reward or compensation.  Just giving simply to give .

 

What did Shmuley know of Your suffering?  What did he know of Your life?  He thought that a two year limited glimpse at Your magnitude made him an expert???  You trusted him.  You believed he was Your friend.  You believed that he understood You, and so You shared intimately with him, and all the while he was analyzing You like a science project… dissecting Your every word and perverting it into his extremely limited view of what he felt God should find acceptable .  It’s shameful at the very least, and unfathomably egotistical.  He had such enormous difficulty understanding You that in an unbelievable display of self indulgence , he tried to restructure You into something that he could be comfortable with, telling you it was sinful or against God to be any other way.   That the way that God had created You, in all Your beautiful, artistic mastery, wasn’t good enough.  You needed redemption… You needed structure … You needed humbling… that You needed a reality check .  

What he didn’t realize was that Your life WAS reality.  It was YOUR reality.  One that You did not choose, but had chosen for You.  One driven by the greed of those adults entrusted with Your care .  One of enormous and even impossible expectations, of which You did not disappoint.   One unlike that of anyone else who ever lived.  One that couldn’t possibly be understood by any other.  But Shmuley’s ego would not allow him to accept that.  He insisted that he knew who You were , and why.  That he had solved the puzzle - the mystery that was Michael Jackson.   He talks about knowing You and understanding You, and I truly think he believes that.  But anyone who Loves You knows that it is the Shmuleys of the world that destroyed You.  It is those who just could not open their hearts and minds wide enough to just Love and accept You exactly as You were .  Love .  That is all You ever wanted in return for Your lifetime of suffering and sacrifice .  Just simply to be Loved .  

What was it about You that made people feel entitled to hold You under the microscope and examine You?  Was it Your complexity?  Your unmatchable artistry?  Your uniqueness?  Your genius?  Your unselfishness?  Were You too big of a challenge to people’s already volatile character, that they felt threatened by You?  That they couldn’t stand next to You without reflecting inward, and falling desperately short of Your example that they had to destroy You?  That they had to dismantle You with lies and alienation, driving You to seek refuge through desperate measures, and then condemn You for them?  

You just couldn’t win, Michael.  Whatever You did, they were waiting, and they would not be satisfied until they crucified You, and once they had, the vultures like Shmuley came to feed off your carcass… and suck the last drop of blood from You in an attempt to use Your beautiful name to buy themselves some sad little remnant of fame to feed their insatiable hunger for even the tiniest morsel of what You were .    

Oh Michael… what did they do to You?  How does this world recover from a loss such as Yours?  How do I?

I know you would not want me to be angry or judgemental. You would not want me to lash out in retaliation towards those who harmed You. You always came from a place of Love. You were always composed and demonstrated such dignity. I don’t feel composed and dignified at all. You’d be so disappointed in me. I am so angry, Michael. I’m finding it very difficult to be forgiving… to look beyond the surface and consider what drove Shmuley to publish this trash. His attempt to disguise it as some kind of redemption on Your behalf is an insult to the reader’s intelligence. He even went so far as to dedicate the book to Your grieving children, suggesting that Your “excess be a warning to them”. WHAT???!!

This book was clearly an opportunity for Shmuley to exploit Your name, and to boast about himself, his contacts, and professional accomplishments – all of which pale drastically in comparison to what and who You were to the world. 

I hope he sleeps well at night with his God at Your feet.   

Forgive me , Michael.

I Love You… more .

Siren  xxx

 Copyright by Siren © 06/02/2011