The Gift

Strange things happen when my friend, Brenda and I get together.  Magical, impossible things.  Time bends, doors open, wild events unfurl before our eyes... all Michael related of course.  It’s really quite astounding.  In fact, we have become so accustomed to these occurrences, that when they happen to us now, we just laugh at the absurdity of them, and exchange a knowing glance.

Just recently, Brenda received a random email about a lady who teaches a meditation technique in our area.  The email mentioned briefly that she had been ‘contacted’ by Michael Jackson, and was writing a book about it.  What???!  I immediately went to her facebook page to learn more.  It all seemed very confusing to me.  There was only one picture, and it was of a large group of Indian children, dressed alike and gathered in what looked like a classroom.  All the information was about mediation, and finding your own personal Truth.  I also learned that this lady spent 6 months of the year in India, teaching her technique to the people there, mainly children.  I started to conclude that this must be some kind of spiritual practice within her culture.  But hidden amongst all of this, was one tiny post.  Just one or two sentences that disappeared into the page... and there He was, “Michael Jackson”.  Brenda contacted this woman to find out more, and we decided to attend the group meditation, happening that evening.  

As we travelled together to the meeting, we were apprehensive... afraid that we would get there and feel like intruders in the midst of a cultural practice that we knew nothing about and had no business being a part of.  Yet we knew Michael had led us here, so we trusted Him.  And let’s face it... neither of us are very good at saying no to Michael.  

Once we arrived we realized there was no cause for our anxiety.  It was just an open group for any and all.  We fit right in.  Phew.  We went up to the house, and were shown into a room that was set up with chairs and pillows for a large group of people.  We found a seat next to each other and waited to begin.  This is where we first met the lady who was writing the book about Michael, and it was her who led the meditation (called a Kriya).  The Kriya involves drawing a kind of rainbow light into oneself, in order to activate the Light within, to unite with the Oneness that is the Universe, and become your True Self.  I instantly connected with the idea of rainbow light.  It brought to mind visions of Captain EO and Moonwalker, and voila, Michael was at the heart of my meditation.  The process was very relaxing, and it involved sending out healing to the world, beginning with the children.  The more she spoke, the more I could hear Michael in her words... teaching us, as He always did, to make the children our priority, and to care for the Earth and Her creatures.  It felt right.  As she led us out of the mediation, I felt energized.  It was wonderful.  

She spoke to the group afterwards, asking if anyone wished to share anything about their meditation.  A couple of people spoke up and eventually the discussion evolved and she began to tell her experience of her ‘visit’ from Michael.  Well her story was astounding!  She had been in the process of writing a book about discovering one’s Truth, which she had almost finished.  She explained that she didn’t know the first thing about Michael... other than a couple of brief tabloid reports that she had heard over the years during His life.  Then she told us that, during a meditation, He had come to her and told her that she needed to rewrite her book to include Him.  The more she spoke, the more I began to believe that this really was Michael.  His personality was all over it.  The whole room was enthralled, laughing at His humor (and hers too!) and stunned by His message.  Brenda and I were laughing and crying at the same time.  It was surreal to be sitting in a room filled with non-Michael people, all on the edge of their seats while someone told them WHO HE WAS.  It was a true miracle.  
Shortly thereafter, the meeting concluded, and we headed home.

As it is with Michael and me, there is always more to everything than meets the eye.  Wouldn’t that be a perfectly beautiful story if that was where it ended?  But it doesn’t.  There is more.  Much more.  I often wonder how it is that Michael has any patience for me.  I am a work in progress to say the very least, and so (with exhaustion, I am sure) He never misses an opportunity to teach me a lesson I’ll never forget.  This was one of those times.  

Who can take a story like this and find some deep-seated discomfort in it?  Well... me.  Away I went with this amazing experience and instead of blissing out and feeling Blessed by all of this, I left feeling cheated.  I made the always wise decision to take these feelings and jam them down to the pit of my soul.  Ahhh... there.  All fixed.  

This used to work for me actually... until I let Michael in there.   Since then, not so much.  So for over a week, I was tormented by these feelings.  The more I ignored them the bigger they became until finally I couldn’t stand it any longer and out it came.  OK I ADMIT IT!  I’M ANGRY!  YES AT YOU, MICHAEL!!  There I said it... are You happy now???  How could you do this???  For three years I have suffered the loss of You... cried over You, sacrificed, struggled, served You, been humiliated, lost relationships, been exposed, challenged, broken apart, and still I didn’t waver.  With complete abandon, I gave You my SOUL... and above all I LOVED YOU.  Why???  Why do I have to long for You?... long to hear Your voice... to look into Your eyes and see You looking back at me?  You KNOW this is the one thing that I yearn for above all things.  This person doesn’t Love You.  They barely even know anything about You!  I don’t understand.  What am I to You?  Do I matter to You at all???  

It’s true, this is how I felt.  I was so hurt.  I even seriously entertained the thought of abandoning all of this.  I felt rejected and lost.  For two days I tried to figure out where I had gone wrong and why - and where on earth I was going to go from here.  And on top of it all, being so deeply disgusted at myself for feeling such envy for this beautiful visit that this woman had received.  This wonderful woman who had trusted Michael enough to include Him in her book, for no other reason than He had asked her to,  risking her reputation in this, which was her life's work.  I felt like the most horrible human being ever.  You see, from the beginning, I have always told Michael that I want nothing from Him.  That the only thing I needed was for Him to allow me to Love Him.  That He had done enough for me to last from now until the end of time and beyond.  Yet, He still continued to give.  He showered me with Blessings almost constantly, to the point where I would cry from desperation and frustration, knowing that I would NEVER be able to catch up... that I would NEVER be able to repay Him.  And after all of that,  after all the times I promised Him that I didn’t need or want a single thing from Him - turns out I did. 

I couldn't live with myself.  And as I stood there at the very edge, devastated and ashamed to the point of desperation... He spoke.  Not appearing before me as some apparition.  Not a conversation, like the one I had begged for and thrown a temper tantrum over ,  but the same way He always spoke to me - from inside my heart... 

I immediately understood...

  

I have never experienced jealousy over Michael.  I always ADORE to hear others pour out their hearts for Him... to listen to people share their relationships and their intimacy with Him.  All of it is like being serenaded by angels... heavenly music to my ears.  It transports me into the most amazing state of Bliss.  I could listen literally, forever.  But sharing Him with someone on the ‘outside’... someone who wasn’t in Love with Him... someone who likely would never be... well, this was something else all together.  I felt protective and possessive of Him -my love was selfish.  

Michael doesn't belong to me, He belongs to the WORLD.  Not only to those who know and Love Him.  His Love is for EVERYONE.  How beautiful !!!   Who would want it any other way?!  It is not the constant stream of giving that comes from Him that is the gift.  LOVING HIM is the Gift.  There is nothing greater.

Of course this made me fall head over heels all over again.  Just when I think I know what Love is, He shows me something more, and I go tumbling further and further into the abyss that is Michael Jackson.  My heart aches from trying to contain Him until He spills over the edges of me and envelopes the Universe.

Forgive me.  

I adore You, Michael.  

Endlessly.  Recklessly.  Completely.  For All Time.

Siren xxx

Copyright © 2012 by Siren